own destructive perfectionist tendencies. But there are
ways to counter perfectionism and embrace the optimalist’s approach.
Learn to fail. To remain employable, let alone competitive, we must constantly learn and grow; and to learn and
grow, we must fail. Thomas Edison, who registered 1,093
patents, proudly declared that he failed his way to success. He was an exceptional person, but the pattern of his
story is common to millions of others who understand that
failure is inextricably linked to success. We either learn to
fail or we fail to learn.
To get more accustomed to the fear of failure, think
of something that you would like to do but have always
been reluctant to try for fear of failing. Then go ahead and
do it! Audition for a part in a play, try out for a sports
team, ask someone out on a date. As you pursue the activity, ask for feedback and help, admit your mistakes, and
accept your successes and failures.
Explore your failures. Take 10 or 15 minutes and
write about an event or a situation in which you failed.
Describe what you did, the thoughts that went through
your mind, how you felt about it then and how you feel
about it now. What lessons have you learned from the
experience? Can you think of other benefits that came
about as a result of the failure?
Enjoy the journey. The perfectionist’s obsession with
the destination and his inability to enjoy the journey
eventually sap his desire and motivation, and he is less
likely to put in the effort necessary for success. The strain
of sustaining an effort for long periods of time eventually
The optimalist is able to enjoy the journey while remaining focused on her destination.“
Want to take the optimalist approach to life? Here’s a brief
guide to identifying your perfectionist tendencies and
transforming them into healthy optimalist approaches.
BECOME AN Optimalist
You might be a perfectionist if you are afraid
to try new things because you fear you may fail.
The optimalist views failure as an opportunity
to learn and understands that failure is part of a
fulfilling life.
You might be a perfectionist if you deny
yourself permission to feel painful emotions.
The optimalist makes room for pain, allowing such
feelings to deepen her overall experience of life.
You might be a perfectionist if you set
goals and standards for yourself that are essentially
impossible to meet.
The optimalist sets standards that are attainable
because they are grounded in reality. And when an
optimalist meets his goals, he feels real satisfaction in
his success and expresses and experiences gratitude for
his accomplishments.
becomes intolerable if the journey is wrapped in unhappiness, and he will want to give up to avoid further pain.
The optimalist is able to enjoy the journey while
remaining focused on her destination. While she certainly
does not experience an easy ride to success — she struggles, has doubts and experiences pain at times — her
overall journey is far more pleasant than the perfectionist’s. She is motivated by the pull of the destination (her
goal) and by the pull of the journey (the day-to-day work).
She feels both a sense of daily joy and lasting fulfillment.
Use time efficiently. The all-or-nothing approach — the
idea that work not done perfectly is not worth doing at all —
leads to procrastination and, more generally, to inefficient
use of time. To do something perfectly (assuming perfection
is even possible) requires extraordinary effort — which
may not be justified in the context of the task at hand.
Where appropriate, the optimalist will devote just
as much time to a particular task as a perfectionist
would. But the optimalist recognizes that not all jobs are
equally important, and not all require equal attention. For
instance, sealing every O-ring before launching a spacecraft is critical. Fussing over the colors of a chart on an
internal memo is not.
The desire for success is part of our nature. And great
expectations can indeed lead to great rewards. Yet, to lead
a life that is both successful and fulfilling, our standards
of success must be realistic, and we must be able to enjoy,
and be grateful for, our achievements along the way. ;
Tal Ben-Shahar is a professor of psychology at Harvard University. This article is
excerpted with permission from The Pursuit of the Perfect: How to Stop Chasing
Perfection and Start Living a Richer, Happier Life (McGraw-Hill, 2009).
