Are holiday obligations stressing
you out? Here’s how to cope.
Overload
Holiday
By JON SPAYDE
There’s a special pain at the heart of holiday stress: These
gatherings are supposed to be the happiest times of the year, and we all
genuinely want them to be. But we also know they can be crazy-making, what with
houseguests and party logistics to handle, vast amounts of food to cook, quirky family
dynamics to navigate — not to mention the psychodrama of gift-giving.
Mary Jo Kreitzer, PhD, RN, FAAN, founder and director of the Center for Spirituality and
Healing at the University of Minnesota, has some healing suggestions for not just “getting
through” the holidays but actually enjoying them — and at the top of her list is flexibility.
“Pare down your expectations to what really matters to you, and don’t be afraid to change
even the most hallowed holiday tradition if it’s not working for you anymore,” she says.
STRESS SOURCE:
Frenzied holidays.
Feeling the weight of holiday-centered expectations, obligations and family
tensions can dampen the genuine joy of the season. Feeling that you’re
missing out on your own ideal holiday experiences can make matters worse.
Barriers:
Overblown expectations. “Because expectations of happiness are so high at holiday times,” says Kreitzer, “there is
bound to be some disappointment, and old or new family
tensions are almost sure to come out.”
Perfectionism. You may feel that the holidays are so important that you have to prepare the perfect meal or meticulously clean the house or buy the perfect gift — and there
goes your holiday cheer.
Too much to do. Your holiday schedule may simply include
too many events, rituals and obligations, and many of the
items on it may be needlessly stressful and even onerous for
others as well as for you.
Tightly wound traditions. Many of us operate under the
assumption that everything has to be done the way it’s
always been done, no matter how stressful it may have
become under new conditions — e.g., a larger (or smaller)
family, geographical changes, changes in health, etc.
How to Cope:
Prioritize and pare down. “If you had to pare down
your holiday to its essential core, what would it
be?” asks Kreitzer. “Probably something like ‘
people spending time with people,’ right? So see if you
can find the least stressful way to do whatever is
most important to you.” Paring down can also save
money as it relieves stress — a definite value these days.
Let go of perfection. This is your holiday, not some
idealized vision plucked from a magazine photo
spread, and it’s bound to have the marks of your life
on it, including imperfections. And that’s actually a
good thing.
Ask for help. People are always willing to help, Kreitzer
points out, and bringing others into your holiday preparations can be a great way to reconnect with them in the
holiday spirit.
Stay flexible about plans. Plans change, flights are delayed,
people get sick. Kreitzer advises holiday-makers not to let these
inevitable plan-altering events become problems. “Holidays are
an important time to practice ‘going with the flow,’” she says.
Create new traditions. If a beloved tradition is causing more
trouble than joy, let it go, says Kreitzer. “Maybe that noontime
Thanksgiving dinner or Hanukkah gathering is messing up
everybody’s schedule. Maybe there are vegetarians in the family now. How about a 4 o’clock meal with more vegetables?”
Get input. If you’re concerned that family members or
friends might resist the simplifying changes you’re considering, bring them on board early, tell them why you’re considering a change and let them voice their perspectives. ➺
